You are born, you are to behave appropriately but whatever you do is acceptable, cute and forgivable. You say your first word, ‘mama’ and ‘dada’ are the first words your parents expect you to say, but even if you say ‘supercalifragilisticexpialidocious’ you are the cutest little thing ever. You start school and you are expected to have good grades, to build up a normal social background, to adhere to the rules. Still it is ok if you mess up a few times, we forgive but never forget. Remember that time in elementary school you accidentally spilled water onto your pants and everyone thought you peed yourself? But once again, even things like that are expected to happen so it is still not a biggie, right?

It’s that time of the year again, when children and men, young and old, wish upon a star, and make a New Year’s Resolution. Oh how joyful it is to make a resolution like not drinking anymore, or working out more, or promising that you will not try to take over the World again. Each new year millions and millions of such promises are made, and how many are kept? Wait let me get my calculator, oh wait, almost none! Yes, we all make hasty promises in a drunken fervor that we will become a better man next year, and next year we wake up with a terrible headache, completely forgetting that we just promised we wouldn’t do that again.

“No offense but” or “I am not racist but” or some similar slur you can think of means exactly what you are trying to evade. You are offensive, racist or whatever your excuse is supposed to be. It’s fine and dandy that you want to be respectful and that you don’t want to hurt someone’s wee little feelings and it would be acceptable in a few cases. But guess what, every time you try to wash your hands from blame, you are a delusional bigoted biased bastard, no offense of course. Whenever you use ‘no offense’ a small defenseless penguin dies a horrible agonizing death, and you thought global warming was killing the arctic life, nope, insensitive jerks are to blame. Yeah, so next time you are trying to be less offensive, just don’t. Think about the penguins!