“No offense but” or “I am not racist but” or some similar slur you can think of means exactly what you are trying to evade. You are offensive, racist or whatever your excuse is supposed to be. It’s fine and dandy that you want to be respectful and that you don’t want to hurt someone’s wee little feelings and it would be acceptable in a few cases. But guess what, every time you try to wash your hands from blame, you are a delusional bigoted biased bastard, no offense of course. Whenever you use ‘no offense’ a small defenseless penguin dies a horrible agonizing death, and you thought global warming was killing the arctic life, nope, insensitive jerks are to blame. Yeah, so next time you are trying to be less offensive, just don’t. Think about the penguins!
We are all prejudicial. ALL OF US. It is understandable that you don’t want to seem like an idiot when you unconsciously insult someone’s beliefs and you don’t want to publicly announce that you hate a particular minority, but just deal with it, and for the love of all that is chocolaty, just don’t say “I don’t want to sound…”. No, don’t even think about it. Evade the whole thing without even trying to seem like a person who is less offensive. Either stick with what you believe in or don’t, stop trying to cover up you imperfections. Nobody is perfect, and you shouldn’t embrace what you don’t have but rather celebrate what you have. Even if you are good at math, oh, you are scared because someone called you a nerd? Well, no offense, but you are stupid then. Stop trying to be something/someone you are not.
You might convince another no-offenser but to the rest of us it is crystal clear you are just trying to get a guilt free pass not to seem narrow-minded. How about instead of saying “no offense”, oh I don’t know, you completely dodge the topic? Nobody needs to know that even though you are the most xenophobic being alive and you managed to save a small drowning foreign child, no offense, but you could just say that you saved someone’s life. Problem solved. No further explanation needed, that is all there is to it. You did a good deed, don’t expect Karma to endow you with riches and fame just because for once you stepped out of your comfort zone.
If you really don’t want to be offensive, well just don’t be, simple as that. And if you truly want to be that someone who is not offensive then go right ahead and do all those things you allegedly do. Set an example. Don’t wait in the shadows like a scared little mouse, either be the hero of your stories or, no offense but, see yourself become forever doomed.
No offense, but I am offensive.
By Dejan Vicai