Sarcasm? No. Never.

Ever had that one annoying someone you know but you just don’t know how to tell them to stop being stupid? And as time progresses they just get more and more on your nerves. But, wait, what is this, a gleam of hope appears. You notice something very unsettling. That person is not very bright, at all, if you would tell them the Moon is made out of cheese they would just eat it up. A wild smirk approaches your face as you know what you have to do, NO, what is your duty as sane person to do in such a situation. Of course I mean to use sarcasm. A simple yet so profound way to tell someone “Bugger off!”

Admit it, how many times have you saved yourself from blowing up because you didn’t want to hurt someone’s wee little feelings and because you know that if you tell them what you truly feel and think the ‘pain’ of handling more drama and, pardon my French, more flapdoodle is going to be more annoying and irritating. Thankfully though, by using sarcasm you are able to tell them off without anyone being the wiser. A great asset if you ask me. Many a times had it been useful, and I believe you, the reader, have had your fair chance as well. You didn’t? Really? Wow, you must be a GREAT and TOLERANT person. Booyah.

The best part is that unless that other person has an IQ score lower than a grilled sandwich you can get away without any further complications. On the other hand, if your insignificant other does catch up to your shenanigans you can always bluff and just say it was their imagination. Really. Try it for yourself. You won’t be disappointed.

If you are a great actor and a smooth talker, you shouldn’t have any problems. However, with the introduction of the Internet, more and more people are growing accustomed to using sarcasm and being sarcastic all the time. Without that, you wouldn’t last more than 5 seconds on the Internet, trust me on that one, it is not a pretty sight when you find a poor soul damned for eternity and marked forever.

Think of all this as you are learning a new language, although, it is more than a language and less than a language, at the same time. Mind blown, I know. If you do get the hang of it you should feel privileged, proud, honored and so on. Not everyone is welcomed to the club, and it shouldn’t be any other way around. A word of warning though, don’t ever get caught, it isn’t pretty when someone finds out you have been making a fool of them for years now.

It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye, or two.

By Dejan Vicai