The almighty f-word, now what the fizz could it be? Could it be fabulous? Or even fantastical? How about flavoursomenesses? It is a word, check it out. No need to censor more words or turn them into taboo, we had quite enough of that, thank you very much. Why the fig would a word be harmful in any way, a word is a string of letters . The only meaning it has is the one we all mutually agreed upon. So stop implying the f-word is futzed up, it is so because someone said that from that day forward ‘It shall be insulting to so say shut the fleece up.’

Now let’s take this silly shenanigans of tabooing a word a step further. A man goes to the police station and tries to report a robbery, however he has a slight problem. His ferrets got stolen a fortnight ago, his furnace disappeared a day ago and his freezer was nowhere to be found this morning. This is all fine and dandy, but you can’t say those words because all the police officers would hear are f-word, f-word and f-word. That would be ferociously hard to cope with.

It is flabbergasting how easily people are offended by a simple word, especially by the f-word. Flamboyant as it may be, people can be offended by almost anything, and I do mean anything. Although, now that I give it thought, it is far easier to insult someone by using furled fictive words. If someone doesn’t understand what frivolous means it might as well mean ‘ I want to fornicate with you furniture’, yeah we went there.

What if we have so many words starting with f is because that was the easiest way to cover the f-word. What if Fee-fi-fo-fum is actually a clever censorship of the old ages? Basically the f-word is only offensive because it was labeled as such, and for that reason I say faux it! Hold your head up with pride and say it out loud, I like candy. But seriously stop being so fruity and use that vocabulary to the fullest!

May the fork be with you and falalalalala.


By Dejan Vicai

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