Don’t do that! That’s wrong! What are you doing, that’s unhealthy! How many times have you heard this? I know I have. But the best part is, when you start to feel bad about your actions, you turn around and the same person who lectured you is the very same thing they told you not to do. How inconsiderate and hypocretin like. Don’t go telling me it is dangerous to drink and drive, which IS by the way, and then you go burning rubber after winning a wrestle match with the vodka bottle. Are you a higher form of intellectual life, or maybe a descendant of an all-powerful god, making you immune to your own rules?! Or maybe you are just a complete hypocretin and you believe you have the right to preach to others. Well, judgey-pants, nobody gives two flying figs!

The easiest way to find these creatures of spite is that you don’t do absolutely anything, at all. They will find you and they will preach, with or without any reason for it. It is as if they can smell the lack of hypocrisy in the air, and because they are what they are, they have this need to let both of their faces have an opinion. It seems some invisible and uncontrollable force is compelling the hypocretins to act as they do. I believe there is a secret society that teaches how to be the perfect hypocrite, with an underground school and all.

In reality there isn’t a good way to get rid of this menace. They are like milk gone bad, the first sip tastes alright, but as soon as it hits your taste buds you feel like throwing up, and after that you have a weird bad taste in your mouth you just can’t get rid of. The weird part is that if two hypocretins meet, they cancel each other out. However, and this is very important, there is a level system amongst them, and according to that system someone can be a higher and lower level. Basically the higher their level the more notorious they are and the more hypocretins they can handle in a larger radius. It is as if they have a circle of fear around them that wards off lesser hypocretins. But this is unnoticeable by us mere mortals.

As it was said once: “Throw thine rock if ye are pure”, or some other nonsense like that. Basically just don’t pass judgment if you can’t handle your own so-called opinion. If you are going to be paradoxically oxymoronic just stop, drop and think. Don’t preach if you won’t follow, we already have more than plenty of that.

Try to be considerate and try to at least act with the mental capacity of a six year old, they can put themselves in other people’s shoes, and if they can do it you can do it as well. Probably. Maybe. Just do it, no excuses.

I do wonder what would happen if we collected all the hypocretins and put them all in an arena. Fun times, I presume. Now where I put my popcorn, the show is about to start.


By Dejan Vicai

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