Twerk it.

Unless you have been living under the rock for the past few years, you would be surprised by the new crazes taking over the Internet. One of them being twerking. It’s like, um, more like, well, I… I can’t even describe the pain it causes when you are watching that activity. Basically, in simple, really simple terms, it is when a female tries to attract and/or impress a male by shaking her gluteus maximus in a half squatting position. More or less. I guess it’s a new way to go about dating? Either I’m getting old or these kind of things are getting shaky.

Ode to joy! Twerking is now officially a word, it has made its way into dictionaries. How wonderful. What is next? Beliebing? English has some ridiculous words at its disposal, but this? Seriously, how can we “accept” new words like this when we have enough problems with existing ones? With all the sexism and politically incorrectness or indecent or some shenanigans like that. Soon enough people will have a problem with ‘police officer’ as well, WAIT, I have an idea, let’s rename it to, are you ready?! Female limited jurisdictional law enforcement executive. Yup, that sums it up nicely.

With recent events related to twerking it is no wonder not a lot of us are happy with this addition. Google it, enjoy, pull your eyes out. Has science gone too far? Have we really become such a dull (de)generation that we have to come up with new ways to humiliate and degrade ourselves, just to entertain each other? With all the modern marvels around us, we consciously choose to be part of something. Back in my day, we used to be bored, then we just used our imagination. Now, I refuse to accept that those kind of things are an outcome of a sentient being creative and imaginative! I simply won’t accept that the same human ingenuity that enabled space flight, gene splicing and light sabers would be responsible for twerking. If we have learned anything from recent events, and I do believe that manufacturing companies at least have, we should stop printings warning labels and let nature take its course, as it was intended.

I wonder though, after planking, owling, yolo-ing, twerking can the next thing be thinking or even, perhaps, maybe, incidentally, not-being-a-complete-idiot-ing. That would be absolutely great! As much as I appreciate the law, I do not agree with not having the right to punch someone in the face for using such ludicrosity. We need a new law that states that we have a right, no, a god given duty, to hit someone in the face with a dictionary. A really thick one. Maybe, just maybe, that way some sense will stick to them.

Wait! Hold the press! We should hold public dictionary-ing. Similar to stoning. Except we use dictionaries. If I do say myself that is pure genius! But in all seriousness, have you ever pondered where does it all stop? What is the limit to human stupidity? Furthermore, I see no reason to fear any alien invasion coming soon, or ever! The first thing they will see if they ever visit us, well, let’s say it would be better to tell them about the Dark Ages rather.

I for one am truly and utterly scared what comes next.

I rather my children be on mind crippling heavy drugs than part of this absurdity.

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By Dejan Vicai

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